How To Handle Bullying In Kids
The definition of bullying
is the persistent, intentionally hurtful behaviour of an individual towards
another.
It could be about anything
ranging from the victim’s background to gender identity.
Imagine one of your peers
is constantly hurtful to you. You feel helpless and cornered, the result being
you feel victimised.
The intent is clearly to
hurt.
There are different types
of bullying — physical: where the victim is beaten up; verbal: where hurtful terms
are used against the victim, or social: where the victim’s social standing is
hurt through rumours, exclusion, etc.
But, how is it different
from teasing?
Teasing is a fun,
light-hearted banter between a group of children or two children. There is no intent
for hurting the other.
In contrast, when it comes
to bullying, power dynamics is at play. A child bullying one of their peers
wants to feel strong.
So, where does bullying
occur?
Well, bullying can stem
from anywhere — and is common among school-going kids.
Going by the study about
bullying in schools, conducted across 6 Indian cities by The Teacher
Foundation, nearly 47% of children between
Class 4 and Class 8 reported that they were being bullied.
So, what are the causes of
bullying?
There could be single or
multiple factors that may culminate in a child becoming a bully.
The Bully
A child who
bullies needn’t be aggressive themselves. However, everything else about the
act of bullying presents aggression.
It is therefore important to look at the causes of bullying — from a bully’s home scenario to their need to feel included.
5 tips to deal with a bully
Let’s imagine a scenario
where you learn that your child is bullying another child!
Going beyond the initial
shock, how would you put a stop to it?
You can choose to ignore it
because you are sure your child is well-behaved. But would it help?
You can chide or punish
your child. Will this help them?
How about talking to them,
instead?
1) Clear Communication
When you become aware of
your child’s bullying behaviour, it is necessary to remain calm.
Address it immediately —
explain the meaning of bullying, tell them that their behaviour was
unacceptable, and you are against bullying.
However, ensure you don’t
reproach your child in the public.
When you try to discipline
them in front of others, this in itself becomes a type of bullying.
2) Have open discussion
While addressing the
bullying issue, provide your child with ample space to voice their views.
Have a conversation where
you understand the root cause of their bullying behaviour. This information is
critical as it would help you address their reason.
Armed with the information,
you can help them understand the consequence of their action.
3) Explain the consequence
Once you are aware of the
reason behind your child bullying their peer(s), explain the outcome — their
action has a consequence.
You can make use of ‘what
if’ questions to make them understand that bullying is a choice and can be
avoided.
Find a balance for your
child to understand that bullying is not acceptable. Eg: Apologising to
the child they’ve hurt and reduced TV time, helping you with a chore, etc.
Work on a plan that
provides healthy closure to your child.
If your child is being
bullied by someone at school, work with the school authorities to come up with
anti-bullying solutions.
4) Be supportive
Like we saw, a child who
bullies may crave attention and affection. When you learn about the reasons,
make sure you support them.
Shower them with love and
provide support to work through, while ensuring that you do not tolerate
bullying behaviour.
Avoid threatening or chiding them as it can have a negative impact.
5) Seek professional help
As you understand the root cause of your
child’s behaviour, you may realise that you need external support as well.
Reach out to a professional who can help
them.
Work along with them to ensure your child is
provided with the best possible support they require.
Assure your child that you are on their side
through all this.
Overall, you need to remain empathetic of
your child’s bullying behaviour.
Patience and understanding are a must!
Bullying
can be about the bully, but many at times, the victims of bullying face
long-term issues.
A child who is bullied would feel that they
are at a disadvantage.
Most often, they don’t report about bullying
to anyone — not their parents, teachers, or guardians.
It becomes important for a parent to
understand the effects of bullying on their child.
5 tips to deal with a
bullied child
No matter how you ask, your
child will avoid talking about who is bullying them. Mostly, this stems from
the fear of being bullied further.
Understand that your child
is feeling alone and wouldn’t trust you.
These tips would help you
work through:
1) Create a safe space
Take the first step to
reach out to your child. Tell them that you are on their side.
Allow them the space to
express themselves. Ask questions that relate to their bullying situation.
When talking with a smaller
child, ask them questions to describe their feelings as well. Help them
understand the meaning of bullying.
Let your child talk to you
at their pace, don’t force them to name the bully.
Avoid strong statements
such as “you must fight back”, “you should complain to the teacher”, etc.
2) Role-play situations
One way to help your child
is to work with situations where a child bullies them.
Help them with how they can
react. There is no one-solution-fits-all scenario.
Explain to them how they
can support themselves or how they can walk away from a bully.
3) Build their confidence
With a bullied child, their
confidence is at an all-time low.
Help them find a hobby that
they love to take part in. Encourage them to follow the hobby. You can be part
of it as well.
Use positive affirmations
to compliment them. They need to feel self-assured.
4) Get professional help
There are chances that the
effects of bullying require professional help. Don’t shy away from it.
Help your child in a way
they can help themselves.
Working with a professional
provides them with a space to be understood, which you as parents may not be
equipped to handle.
5) Unconditional love and
support
The bullied child feels the
need to be protected, cherished, loved, and accepted for who they are.
Show your child that you
are on their side no matter what. Vocalise your support for them.
Encourage them to spend
time with people and children who are supportive of them.
Help your child find
supportive friends at school with whom they can hang out.
Be there all along the way.
For a child who is bullied,
it requires more time to recover and move on. There is an absolute need for
patience.
Ensure you have your
support group to help you through this.
With your child’s
knowledge, reach out to their teacher(s), if the bullying took place at school,
and report it. Ensure the school takes appropriate anti-bullying steps.
It’s a wrap
Bullying requires a lot of
understanding.
Parents, teachers, and the
community as a whole need to be more participative.
More often than not, the
bystanders of a bullying situation, aggravate it. Thus, it becomes necessary to
help children who are being bullied.
At the same time, we need to understand that most often than not bullies themselves could be doing it from a place of disadvantage.
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