THE DO’S AND DON’TS OF SEEKING ADVICE OUTSIDE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Do’s

1)  Watch The Company You Keep Around You and Your Spouse

It’s always good to hang out with couples who are happily married.  If you’re facing problems in your marriage, some of that happiness has a good chance of rubbing off on your relationship.  The key is to pay attention.  Identify what it is that keeps them happy. 

Chances are, they have gone through tough times and learned from their negative circumstances they might have faced and realized they needed to develop techniques to prevent the chance of facing those same circumstances all over again.  If you don’t know of any happy couples, it just might be time for you and your spouse to get some new “influencers” around you.  Look online for social groups that cater to couples who share your same like interests.  There are several social media sites available like meetup.com and groups that can be found on LinkedIn and  Facebook.  

You can type in keywords that touch on your interest.  For instance, if you are a couple in business together, perform a search using keywords, “couples in business together” and see what comes up.  If your kids are part of extracurricular activities, get to know the parents of their friends!   Start to BECOME SOCIABLE!   My husband and I have always found it great to make new friends together!  Many of our friends share like interests! Many of them are entrepreneurs or couples in business together and/or parents of kids that our children are friends with!

2) Discuss and Mutually Agree

If you’re having issues in your marriage and feel it’s time to seek professional advice, be sure to mutually agree on seeking advice together.  There are many times one spouse might choose to seek help but the other doesn’t.  There are two in the marriage and if problems exist, it takes the two of you to participate in making an effort to fix it.  One spouse might feel that they are fine and that the other needs the help. 

If that is the case, we feel that it is still necessary for both spouses to participate so that the professional counselor can assist in identifying factors that could be causing the problems.   Sometimes, it does take someone else to help a spouse “receive” what you might have been saying all along.

3) Make Sure to Refrain from Speaking Negatively About Your Spouse 

“For Better or for Worse” was in your vow to one another.  Being mad is temporary and you don’t want to go and slander your spouse in the heat of being upset nor do you want to share personal problems that your spouse might be having with anyone else.  Your spouse is your other half.  You can never build one another up if you’re always tearing each other down. 

What are the benefits of doing this?  None!  When you become married, you become a team.  Work towards playing together to win at this relationship game.  You don’t want to be another negative statistic.  There are so many benefits when you refrain from contaminating your marriage.

Don'ts

1) Discuss Anything with Anyone Who Is Not Fond of Your Spouse 

You might have a friend that you grew up with who feels that you married the wrong person.  Keep this in mind when it comes to wanting to vent.  If this person already doesn’t care for your spouse, why would they provide sound and fair feedback on your situation.  This isn’t fair to your spouse, nor is it fair to you.

 2) Discuss Your Issues with Relatives from Either Side

Refrain from discussing relationship issues with relatives because there are times when they just might have to pick sides and there are chances that it could get ugly.  Have them know ahead of time that discussing your relationship issues is off limits and have them know that you would appreciate them honoring that request. 

We women like to have someone emotionally there for us if we feel that our husbands aren’t there for us.  HUSBANDS, we need you to emotionally be there for us if you don’t want us picking up the phone to call our Mothers or Sisters!  Again, when you become married, you become one and it’s important that both spouses learn how to cater to one another to avoid problems.

 3) Discuss Relationship Issues with Anyone Having Relationship Problems of Their Own.

If these people can’t fix their problems that they have had for years, what makes you think they can help to fix your problems?  It’s important to be cautious when it comes to seeking advice from others regarding your marriage.  Marriage is a valuable gift that we must protect and to trust the knowledge of someone else who can’t figure out why their own relationship is not working can sometimes be a dangerous move.

Source: elevatingcouples.com